Jessica Mauboy

I am very excited that she will be performing at Eurovision. I hope she songs Burn because if the fruit ninja frenzy that occurs at the Peel at 3am on a Saturday night is anything to go by Australia might get a special spot like Israel does next year.

I just realised my dance move for any R. Kelly song is to mimic pissing on everyone.

I will not be lectured about ignitions by this man.

I’ve not drunk red wine on a night out since 2003. Good luck gardens everywhere.